Come as You Are – The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life 

Reviewed By: Cynthia Kennedy

My Review:

A fantastic exploration of how and why women’s sexuality works – including new research. Highly recommended for all genders!  – Cynthia Kennedy, Olympia, Washington, USA

Recommended by:

Cynthia Kennedy, Audrey Boss

Recommended Reading Program: Libido

Author: Emily Nagoski, M.D.

Language availability: English


An essential exploration of why and how women’s sexuality works—based on groundbreaking research and brain science—that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.

Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill” for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never be the answer—but as a result of the research that’s gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women’s sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.

The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others’ experiences. Because women vary, and that’s normal.

Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman’s arousal, desire, and orgasm.

Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.

Vimeo: Come as You Are – The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

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1 Review

  1. Great read. A refreshing perspective on sexuality. Desire for sex is very sensitive to context. There’s a dual control model of sexual response. The concept of accelerators and breaks and how we all have different ones and therefore different needs in our sexual expression. There are some people with extra sensitive, or insensitive accelerators and extra sensitive or not sensitive brakes.

    There’s almost nothing that’s actually innately sexual, so we learn that and we can unlearn it and teach it something new. That sex is a conversation. That the idea that it comes “naturally” and doesn’t need to be talked about and negotiated and “worked on” is outdated and unhelpful.

    Every human has a unique sexual anatomy composed of similar but unique elements.

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